Christmas blues...

I'm such a syrupy sap.....I'm sitting here watching a PBS Christmas special and eagerly thinking about my family who we'll visit in a few days.

It's a little difficult though, I feel like there's another third of people who are family, who I'll not see this holiday. It's even more difficult to realize that things back home, Kansas City, have changed here and there and that it will not remain perfectly preserved like something in a hermetically sealed chamber. That makes me exceptionally sad, and it really hearkens back to that first year of college, when I came home from school and saw everyone in a whole new light.

People get older, sometimes very ungracefully. Buildings burn down, Clergy rotate around, someone else comes in to fill the slot you left empty behind you.

Maybe I'm just a narcissist, but I'm really missing KC tonight, and Liberty, and the Cathedral, and William Jewell, and my damn neighbors from last year who slept with the stereo on and the bass turned up too high. I like to think that they all miss us too.

Maybe it's just R. Fleming's voice that's put me in a bad mood....?

A Choral Singer's Guide to Keeping the Conductor in Line

I just ran across this again....thought I'd preserve it for posterity.

(1-14 taken from an article by Philip Cave in "The Singer")

• 1. Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch pipe, insist on your preference for the piano - and vice versa.

• 2. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, the lack of space, or a draught. It is best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.

• 3. Bury your head in the music just before an important cue.

• 4. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favour.

• 5. Loudly clear your throat during pauses (tenors are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a good opportunity for blowing your nose.

• 6. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your low C was in tune. This is especially effective if didn't have a low C or were not singing at the time.

• 7. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know that you don't have any music.

• 8. At dramatic moments in the music (while the conductor is emoting wildly) be busy marking your music so that the climax will sound empty and disappointing.

• 9. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.

• 10. Whenever possible, sing your part either an octave above or below what is written. This is excellent ear training for the conductor. If he hears the pitch, deny it vehemently and claim that he must be hearing the harmonics.

• 11. Tell the conductor, "I'm not sure of the beat." Conductors are always sensitive about their "stick technique", so challenge it frequently.

• 12. If you are singing in a language with which the conductor is the least bit unfamiliar, ask him as many questions as possible about the meaning of individual words. Occasionally, say the word twice and ask his preference for pronunciation, making certain to say it exactly the same both times. If he remarks on their similarity, give a look of utter disdain and mutter under your breath about "subtleties of inflection".

• 13. Ask the conductor if he has listened to the Bernstein recording of the piece you are rehearsing. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?"

• 14. If your phrasing differs from that of others singing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.

• 15. Remember - softer means slower.

• 16. During a long and very meaningful rest, either hold the note before a second too long or come in one beat before the rest is over.

Cartier's Theory #325

Now that the current academic term has come to a close I have an opportunity to again begin (split infinitive intended) codifying what I call Cartier's Axioms and Universal truths. Please note that these have yet to be clearly and decisively proven by the Scientific Method.

Battery life is inversely proportional to the usefulness of the item to which it provides power.
E.g. Alkaline batteries guaranteed to have an effective life of 6 months last a grand total of 3 days in a universal remote.

Battery life is directly proportional to the irritation factor (measured in the SI unit, rampages) present in the device to which it provides power. Even in cases of extremely low available voltage these devices can continue to funcition. Furthermore they function better during the hours of 12:00 AM to 5:30 AM
E.g. The irritating toy your in-laws purchased for your son 2 Christmases ago has an effective battery live of 10 years. Even in cases where the battery is previously dead, it can function in the absence of daylight.


These two theories also led to a further discovery this AM when attempting to make some lunch for the kiddos.

Smoke detector batteries only work properly when the presence of smoke is entirely benign. In fact, the presence of completely benign smoke (such as a piece of Macaroni on an electric burner) can actually resurrect a previously dead battery.

Lastly, another experiment led to a further codification of natural law.

Given, 2 blaring smoke alarms, 1 questioning 7 year old, 1 screaming 2 year old, and an incoming telephone call all male gendered homo sapiens will react by pushing said children into their room and closing the door, ignoring the phone call, and beating both smoke alarms with a broom handle until the sound subsides.

And to think that some people don't thing we descended from apes.....

BS Research

I suppose that before long they'll also find a research study that indicates that Alcohol is also not effective at increasing one's sexual prowess or one's dancing ability.

Study: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are