Draft of A Proposed Constitutional Amendment promoting Biblical Marriage
As certain politicians work diligently to prevent marriage between two people of the same sex, others of us have been busy drafting a Constitutional Amendment codifying all marriages entirely on Biblical principles.
After all, God wouldn't want us to "pick and choose" which of the Scriptures we elevate to civil law and which we choose to ignore.
Marriage in the United States of America shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)
Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives.
(II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron > >11:21)
A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)
Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30, 2Cor 6:14)
Since marriage is for life, neither the US Constitution nor any state law shall permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9-12)
If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut > >25:5-10)
In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen 19:31-36)
I hope this helps to clarify the finer details of the Government's righteous struggle against the infidels and heathens among us.
After all, God wouldn't want us to "pick and choose" which of the Scriptures we elevate to civil law and which we choose to ignore.
Marriage in the United States of America shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)
Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives.
(II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron > >11:21)
A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)
Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30, 2Cor 6:14)
Since marriage is for life, neither the US Constitution nor any state law shall permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9-12)
If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut > >25:5-10)
In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen 19:31-36)
I hope this helps to clarify the finer details of the Government's righteous struggle against the infidels and heathens among us.
posted by Jaques Cartier at 5:20 PM
6 Comments:
How does your mind work? I would have loved to be a fly on the wall watching you concoct that masterpiece...
Oh, fuck Bush.
well, it wasn't me that wrote it. It was sent to me by a good friend, and I couldn't resist the urge to post it.
pretty funny, huh :)
Hahaha. Execution for almost all of us women by the time we want to get married. Suckage.
Which friend? Arnold?
Dich is very VERY perceptive!
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