The most well-endowed bivalve you've ever seen....

Allow me to introduce you to the Geoduck (pronounced Gooey-duck, a corruption of its' original Native American name) I first ran across this beast whilst watching Top Chef this eve, only to flip over to Dirty Jobs and see how they harvest these bastards.

I don't get queasy easily, but after seeing this thing in its' natural environment and the subsequent harvesting and preparation of it I have to admit to being a bit skittish about the Geoduck. I don't care how good it tastes, I don't want it anywhere near my person.

A few irreverent and information heavy observations follow:

1. The Geoduck is recognized by many cultures as an aphrodisiac. I don't care how comfortable you are with your equipment downstairs or what the good Lord gifted you with, but I feel a little inferior just looking at the damn thing. For me the geoduck is a definite anti-aphrodesiac along the lines of visualizing Margaret Thatcher naked.

2. I wonder what a Jewish Geoduck looks like. Obviously the one in the picture is Goyim Geoduck.

3. There is nothing remotely duck-like about the Geoduck. If I were to make any assertions of resemblance to other animals I think I'd probably call it a Geohunglikeahorse.

4. The Geoduck in the picture is actually only average-size. They can be bigger.

5. The leering smile the gent in the picture is showing seems more obscene everytime I look at it. The reader is referred to my previous posting on Facial Congruence, Pedophilia, and the Passion of our Lord. Be sure to check out the link to the "Best Damn Page in the Universe" for more information of the "pedo-smile" While this guy is no pedophile, the grin certainly takes a page from the pedo-textbook.

6. I actually believe that a store I once took for an adult boutique was actually a Fishmonger who just happened to have a zillion copies of "Foreskin Gump" and a whole lot of Geoduck (in different colors, no less)

7. Are Geoducks from around the world the same. Urban legends might be extrapolated to say that asian Geoducks are much smaller than their North American counterparts. I don't even want to see what an African Geoduck looks like.

8. Do other bivalves have siphon envy?

9. How does one distinguish gender in a GD?

10. Worse yet, how do GD's reproduce?

So what are your thoughts? Would you eat a GD?