Jaques' Pointless Waste of Time

Why I have not remained a Southern Baptist....

2008-06-04T13:14:00.005-04:00

Consider the statement below from a fiercely conservative prominent Baptist publication...emphasis is mine.

"Missouri Southern Baptists believe abortion should be prohibited. Only God has the right to take an innocent life. A large majority of Missouri Southern Baptists feel so strongly about abortion and how God views governments that condone it that it weighs heavily on our collective conscience come elections."

I'm not terribly keen on a traditional and limiting description of the deity (in fact I'm perhaps becoming a fully functional Anglican Deist with borderline pro-life tendencies although I remain a staunch opponenet of any such legislation). The statement quoted puts me into an absolute tizzy. My regular schtick in listed format follows:

1. I have no desire to believe in or worship a deity that has the right or feels it posesses the right to take an "innocent life". I thought that the whole idea behind God's creation of mankind (I'm not so left-wing as to feel that term is gender exclusive) was one of communion and redemption when that communion was impaired. Why any such deity would wish to destroy any part of its' creation, let alone an innocent, is beyond my comprehension.

In short, this answers the "Why do bad things happen to good people" question with "Because the Almighty needs entertainment every now and then, and you're a convienent victim. After all the Deity can do as it damn well pleases."

Don't misinterperit my remarks. I am and remain a believer in the Divine. I simply think that some "Christians" are worshipping a mythological deity that doesn't exist except for in their fractured understanding of the Divine. There's something remarkably human about that, and I expect I've missed the mark on most of the "divine" stuff as well. I hope that the real God of Abrahamic religions regards them (and I) as lovingly (and forgivingly) as I expect any such deity to do.

2. "...how God views governments..." That's an equally disturbing prospect, especially given the way governments have perverted what might be labelled as 'God's Ideas' and 'God's Will' and bent them to serve their own design. In fact, I would think that any puritan-derived denomination (i.e. Southern Baptist) would eschew this notion based on the concept of "Priesthood of the Believer". The years of persecution suffered at the hands of a Political/Government Established Church (Anglicanism) in the history of all such denominations should also come into play. The SBC notion of a personal God who is in communion with his [sic]people (individuals) seems to be the trump card in this case. God simply has no interest in relationships with and opinions of Governments in a "Priesthood of the Believer" defined world. Look up the Catholic notion of an 'interdict' and familarize yourself with it before it becomes officially sanctioned SBC doctrine and is added to the Baptist Faith and Message.

3. Whatever happened to the notion of the seperation of church and state? Whatever happened to the ability to divorce political issues from religious ones? I grew up in the SBC, in a family that was and still is very respected at the Associational and State level. I keep telling my family that the SBC they remember pre-1978 and the local congregation they worship with are both far out of touch with the dogmatic, politically pandering, and bureaucratic organization that now exists at the national and state level. Remember, there was a time when being a Baptist meant you were a free-thinker and that apart from dancing and drinking in public, you were allowed and expected to keep your mouth shut and vote your conscience in political things. Remember when congregations that differed on the application of doctrine (ordained women, deaconesses, dancing, open or closed communion)were allowed to coexist with each other and were lauded for doing so?

The SBC does care if you vote 'left', if you believe that abortion is an individual's personal decision not that of the government or church, if you believe that blacks and women and homosexuals are equal in value to affluent and conservative and straight white males. If you think that the SBC still allows people and congregations who have a differing opinion from their post-1978 orthodoxy to remain a member of the SBC as a dissenting voice and provide balance, those days ended long ago. Look at the churches expelled in the last 30 years and what they stood, and still stand for.

There remain a few of these 'free-thinking' individuals and congregations in the SBC, but their number is few and shrinking. Conservatives in the SBC have spent 30 years purifying the denomination from perceived errant thinkers and voices of dissent. To some of us, too much talk of "purity" has echoes of 1935 German polity in it to be even partially palatable.

May we have the widsom to care for the widow and the orphan, rather than hedge our own way of life in the pursuit of power and domination over others.

Found today during my French Exam....

2008-03-28T20:09:00.004-04:00

Only Herr Vogler will like this.....So what's this....?

Oh My GOD can it be.... (Scroll down...)

Only Herr Vogler will proably be as amused by this as I...

8 year old captures Tooth Fairy.

2008-03-28T19:57:00.003-04:00

So the elder child lost another tooth this week. This has become a fairly common ocurrence in our household, and as my spouse and I age I expect we'll have many more teeth to trade for coins.

However our 8 year old (soon to be 9) know the game is up. My spouse entered her room early Wednesday morning and carefully removed the envelope. Instead of a tooth was a note. "I just wanted to see if the tooth fairy was real"

Turns out she hid the tooth in another envelope somewhere else in the room with another note "I just wanted to find out if you were real"

PS. Hugs and Kisses

PSS. XOXOXOX

PSSS. Sorry this is so messy, I had to write it in the dark.

We're expecting that she'll be sitting waiting for Santa with a video camera, or stalking the Easter Bunny with a BB gun this time next year. How did it ever come to this?

Saudi Arms Deal....

2008-01-14T16:56:00.000-05:00

So the Bush admin is trying to provide the Saudi's with a special Arms package.... Now while I'm not a pacifist, I don't like exporting armaments to any countries with whom we don't have a clost personal relationship (i.e. NATO)

Other US Arms deals....

1. US supplies arms to Iran to allow the Shah to continue a despotic regime. Following the Revolution US hostages are taken by Iranian revolutionaries bearing armaments provided by the United States.

2. US supplies arms to Iraq to allow their President Saddam Hussein to overcome Iran in the Iran Iraq war of the 1980's. Hussein uses these armaments against the Iranians (some bearing US armaments) as well as against US troops in the 1991 Gulf War and the 2003 US invasion of Iraq.

3. US supplies arms to Manuel Noriega to help prop up the Panamanian dictatorship....These weapons used against the US.

4. Grenada blah blah blah

5. The Philipines... blah blah blah

So....what about the Saudi's...
1. Massive violations of human rights

2. Hotbed of Fundamentalist Islamic controversy

3. Osama is a Saudi Arabian

4. 19 of the 20 9/11 Hijackers were Saudi Nationals

Something tells me we should sell more weapons to the Canadians.....last time I checked the Canada been a stable place with the exception of their use as a staging point for the War of 1812 by the Brits...... So...Canada, YES! Saudis.....perhaps in another couple hundred years....

So....

2007-11-02T09:08:00.000-04:00

My Colloquium is over, which is one of the major portions of my degree (in lieu of a Thesis). This is obviously a load off.

During this process the following picture of Gaetano Guadagni (a castrato) came up.

So look a the picture....what do you see? I'm particularly concerned about his trouser legs.

Are those leggings, or a pair of hands holding gelders? This was not realized by my colloquium partner and I until this image was blow up and put on the giant screen at the Institute, quite a funny moment now that it is over!

So what's left on my to do list?

Ardo - Monteverdi Madrigals...memorized and staged....Hell I've got one more week to get this done.

Transcribe and edit a motet by Johann Walther

Sing Messiah with famous german conductor Helmuth R, and so impress him by my musicianship that he hires me for every performance with offers of appropriate solo for the remainder of my life (a la 'all-you-can-eat')

Go sing in a posh, really posh, Bach Christmas Oratorio in L'ville

Sleep

Eat

Drink a LOT of coffee.

Whoops! I crapped my pants...

2007-09-20T19:55:00.000-04:00

I knew that it was inevitable that the FDA would eventually be paid enough money in bribes, and perks that they would approve some not-ready-for-prime-time drug that addressed the issue of weight loss. And now it's here.

Alli (pronouned Ally) is a simple drug that prevents the body's absorption of fat. However if you overindulge that excess fat has to go somewhere.

Hence this quote directly from Alli's site:

"You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work"

I can vouch for the fact that if I were to shit myself at work or school from a pill that no pants of any color would prevent me from falling victim to merciless treatment from my peers et al. Suddently the 30 extra pounds I carry 'round seems like much less of a problem.

I can hardly wait to see what the next technological breakthrough in this field is around the corner. We've had some experience of late with these products. Consumption of Olestra and Wow! Chips resulted in nothing worse than "anal leakage" but this goes over the top. At no point during their possibility did any product containing Olestra have a warning label that advised wearing shit-colored clothing, just in case.

Just imagine the poor health concerned nut that took and Alli and ate a bag of Wow! Chips. Sombody'll have to get their O ring replaced.

Mouseketeer Alumni...

2007-09-16T21:00:00.000-04:00

As Hammer just pointed out: Who'd have thunk that Christing would have turned out to be the classy one out of this bunch.

Just goes to show you, you can't predict anything.......unless it involves a change in the color of one's facial hair.

Osama featured on E! News...

2007-09-15T13:44:00.001-04:00

...Ok, not really but it certainly makes for a catching title.

So Bin Laden has issued a new video aparently opting to go with free press rather than a New Release through Blockbuster. I learned this as I was fortunate enough to be listening to NPR for coverage of reactions to the new video. Usually I enjoy NPR's unbiased coverage and ability to go beyond scratching the surface of the story. However I was a bit concerned by the way in which NPR covered the story.

Most of the story focused on the did he or didn't he question, but not in regard to 9/11 etc. but rather on the issue of his beard color. There are apparently two camps on this, those who believe that Osama's beard is a complete fake in the spirit of the theater (e.g. spirit gum and horse hair) The other side believes that the new color is indicative of a slightly vain Al Quaeda leader concerned with appearing younger than he really is.

Here's my issue: what other major news organization focuses more on what the people look like than what they say....... E! News. And the other News organizations weren't any better.

I suppose that my real problem is that we're looking to a change in appearance as a prognosicator. The 'fake' camp states that Osama's beard is a replacement for his grey original which has fallen out because of the ravages of kidney failure. This would seem to indicate an ill man, trying desperately to appear well as a figurehead. As has already been stated regarding the other camp apparently Osama is undergoing a mid to late life crisis. Apparently he'll be sporting a cherry red convertible accompanied by bikini models in his next video if you follow their line of reasoning.

As for me I'll be watching "Dubya" to see if his tie in the next press conference is blue, red, or yellow as an indicator of which country we'll be invading next. And should the first lady be sporting a D and G handbag I'll assume that their sex life isnt' working out well.

God forbid Hugo Chavez should appear at his next anti-American rant in Prada eyeglasses indicating a sharp increase in Venuzeulan oil production which will lead to a decrease in oil prices allowing the Chineese to increase their consumption of petroleum leading to a decrease of radiation present in Chinese water sources.

Somehow I think that the networks should have focused on the text of Osama's speech and letting it speak for itself. Reading between the lines is fine, but they need to be lines....not pinstripes accompanied by a checkered shirt and a solid pink tie.

Guido d'Arezzo picked up on charges....

2007-08-21T10:07:00.000-04:00

...of contributing to the deliquency of a minor...http://blog.choralnet.org/2007/08/solfege-deemed-profane-by-some.html .

C'mon people, I know from my Southern Baptist upbringing that they should actually be concerned messages hidden backwards in the solfeggio.. FA MI RE MI becomes (when played backwards) IM ERIMAF or "I'm Erimaf" ......obviously the name of a supernatural evil entity to be featured in an upcoming Harry Potter spinoff.

Don't let solfeggio turn your kids into the antichrist.

I used to think...

2007-06-28T23:42:00.000-04:00

...that nothing was stranger than a group of musicians....then I became one

.....then that nothing was stranger than a group of choral musicians....then I became one

.........then nothing was stranger than a group of Anglican choral musicians.....yep...became one

..............then the only thing stranger than that was an Organist........then a group of Organists

Today the cycle has been broken. I was just in a room with 250 musicologists. I have found the pinnacle of weirdness. For those familiar with the boyfriend game, let me just say that I was going nuts...

Indy Comes to New Haven

2007-06-26T09:53:00.001-04:00

Ok....so they are currently filming the 4 Indiana Jones movie in New Haven, specifically using parts of the Yale Campus as well as a section of Chapel Street as a backdrop for a good sized part of the movie.

As a further surprise they are culminating this filming with a mini-festival tonight including food, rides for kids, and a showing of Raiders on the Green tonight.

So a question comes to mind...how does one explain Hitler/Nazism to an 8 year old?

"Hey Dad, can I ride the nazi with the melting face on the merry-go -round"

You'd better watch your damn mouth....

2007-06-25T16:10:00.000-04:00

http://www.yakimaherald.com/page/dis/289128851420717

Get this......in a recent Junior High School Choral Concert, one student stood up and spoke her mind.

I'd like to find a parent who came armed with a video camera and hear exactly what profanities she uttered.

The most well-endowed bivalve you've ever seen....

2007-06-21T00:24:00.001-04:00

Allow me to introduce you to the Geoduck (pronounced Gooey-duck, a corruption of its' original Native American name) I first ran across this beast whilst watching Top Chef this eve, only to flip over to Dirty Jobs and see how they harvest these bastards.

I don't get queasy easily, but after seeing this thing in its' natural environment and the subsequent harvesting and preparation of it I have to admit to being a bit skittish about the Geoduck. I don't care how good it tastes, I don't want it anywhere near my person.

A few irreverent and information heavy observations follow:

1. The Geoduck is recognized by many cultures as an aphrodisiac. I don't care how comfortable you are with your equipment downstairs or what the good Lord gifted you with, but I feel a little inferior just looking at the damn thing. For me the geoduck is a definite anti-aphrodesiac along the lines of visualizing Margaret Thatcher naked.

2. I wonder what a Jewish Geoduck looks like. Obviously the one in the picture is Goyim Geoduck.

3. There is nothing remotely duck-like about the Geoduck. If I were to make any assertions of resemblance to other animals I think I'd probably call it a Geohunglikeahorse.

4. The Geoduck in the picture is actually only average-size. They can be bigger.

5. The leering smile the gent in the picture is showing seems more obscene everytime I look at it. The reader is referred to my previous posting on Facial Congruence, Pedophilia, and the Passion of our Lord. Be sure to check out the link to the "Best Damn Page in the Universe" for more information of the "pedo-smile" While this guy is no pedophile, the grin certainly takes a page from the pedo-textbook.

6. I actually believe that a store I once took for an adult boutique was actually a Fishmonger who just happened to have a zillion copies of "Foreskin Gump" and a whole lot of Geoduck (in different colors, no less)

7. Are Geoducks from around the world the same. Urban legends might be extrapolated to say that asian Geoducks are much smaller than their North American counterparts. I don't even want to see what an African Geoduck looks like.

8. Do other bivalves have siphon envy?

9. How does one distinguish gender in a GD?

10. Worse yet, how do GD's reproduce?

So what are your thoughts? Would you eat a GD?

Excuse moi de vous deranger.....

2007-06-17T13:04:00.000-04:00

Jaques has been quite remiss of late in blogging. Alas, since my return from the wonders of Perigord and Quercy (duck nearly every day, and Pastis!) I have felt like doing little else but reminiscing about France.

My top 10:

10. Public Urination

9. Other people's public urination

8. "Fumer tue" printed on all packs of cigarettes.

7. "This church isn't very old, it was only built in the 1600's"

6. "This house isn't very old, it was built in the 1700's"

5. The very occasional moments when I faked just enough French to fool the shopkeeper into launching into a fluent speech think I spoke excellent French, only to have me say (in my limited French) "I only speak a little"

4. Duck......and Potato roasted in Rosemary and Duck fat...

3. Seeing my conductors spouse (who has a thick Yorkshire accent) speak French, and ask her typically pointed and almost brusque questions in another language.

2. Sharing my irritation with one of my co-singers with my friends. Nothing like mutual irritation to put us all at ease.

1. Drinking 35 year old Armignac with my hosts and room-mates

Darwinian evolution and contemporary music...

2007-04-29T14:05:00.000-04:00

First, pieces born out of the desire to spend 45 minutes in some sort of po-mo ethereal meditative state aren't evil. In fact, I've really liked a lot of the stuff to come out of it. But there are times and places for these things. 8.25 at night as the first half of a concert that contains an admitted hallmark of 20th century music isn't an appropriate place. Granted, this is a place that loves these kind of popular-ish, innovative, creative, and po-mo works. Perhaps I'm just too closeminded?

I like the occasional drink of Budwiser, but I don't think that I'm going to pair it up with a 5 course French meal. You elevate the Budwiser inappropriately, and stymie the power of the meal.

Second, any choral piece that doesn't spring forth from the composers page as a textually based enterprise isn't necessarily bad. There are certainly a number of affects that can be well related in a funky piece like this. But I don't really have the time, energy, desire, or emotional acuity to put any vested interest in such music. Life is short....far too short to spend time on music that probably won't survive the process of natural selection.

That's why I like this notion of evolution in music. One fascinating approach would be to program only pieces that are at least 50 to 100 years old or older. This gives musical mother nature a chance to weed out all the weird things that don't have good mutations. You might miss some good stuff along the way but believe me, there's a lot of good music out there to keep you busy in the meantime.

Ok, so this is a comprehensive rant. Please don't think I'm placing all the responsibility of this rant upon a single piece of contemporary music. In fact this whole thing is largely self-indicting.

I LIKE DARWIN! But I don't think that Darwin's thoughts should be confined to application only in the natural world. What's wrong with a little bit of interdisciplinarity?!?

Cussin' in the name of JESUS!

2007-04-22T14:42:00.001-04:00

When I was a kid I remember seeing Dr. Eugene Scott on my grandparent's satellite dish. There's something about a preacher that delivers the word of God this way.....Watch, and enjoy!

SONGS OF PRAISE (WITH SUBTITLES)

2007-04-19T12:52:00.001-04:00

SC sent thi to me as a lesson in the importance of diction.

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery...

2007-04-05T13:11:00.000-04:00

I'd like to point out that PFC Bradley flatters me with his imitation of our Seperated at Birth column, which has made frequent appearances here on Jaques PWOT......

musicinventor.blogspot.com

Pedophillia, Facial Congruency, and the Passion of our Lord

2007-04-01T23:38:00.000-04:00

Ok, there are a few things I just need to say.

I think that little old ladies who smile all the time are cute. I honestly believe that there are some folks out there who don't have a vindictive cell in their body, and often these folks are the ones who smile all the time. The others generally turn out to be pedophiles....(See the Best Damn Page in the Universe for more info on the "pedo-smile" and a quiz to determine your ability to recognize one) http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=spot_the_pedo

However, when an event comes up where one needs a lector, ie passion readings, I really don't want these muppets to be the people delivering the readings. There is nothing less congruent than reading the text "...cried out with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost..." with a vacant shit-eating grin on your face. CONGRUENCY......make the face match what you say!

No one wants doom and gloom all the time, but there are certainly times when it IS appropos!

Bach Magnificat goes Multimedia

2007-03-23T10:48:00.001-04:00

This is worth a look, all the way to the very end!!!

Finally back online!

2007-03-22T15:56:00.000-04:00

So my laptop got cooked just a few days after my last post, but I'm back now! And I'm now armed with an Ipod!

The Galloping Soprano

2007-02-02T09:22:00.000-05:00

I'm in not one, but two, courses covering Handel Oratorio this semester. One is performance based and the other is academically based. This little video of Bartolli singing "Disseratevi" from Handel's La Resurezione popped up the other day.

http://tinyurl.com/yvt658

One has to wonder if the orchestra leader had any sugar cubes in his pocket. Or perhaps a bag of oats under his chair?

Seperated At Birth; part IV

2007-01-27T11:14:00.000-05:00

Every now and again these just sort of come up, and in my compulsion I HAVE to post them....

Can you tell the difference between G.F. Handel, Baroque Master and Mikhail Hallak (Contemporary Voice Coach and Pimp Daddy)

A little bit of political angst....

2007-01-24T08:27:00.000-05:00

Ok. so I opted to do homework rather than watch the SOU address last night. I expected that it would be exactly as I'd heard reported throughout the day. "Give Iraq a chance" , "Support our troops", etc.

In a nation where statistics, although many are of dubious reliability, indicate that a majority of Americans are dissatisfied with the Bush regime on virtually all topics I'd expected Bush to be a little bit penitent and our newly elected Democratic Congress to be a bit cold. However, upon reading about the event last night I saw it mentioned that the speech was interrupted by applause 62 times. Take in mind that this speech lasted less than 50 minutes.

That's an average of more than 1 interruption per minute for applause. Granted Bush did say many things which are easy applause getters. "Support the troops", "Fix health care", "Best possible education" are all things that we can agree with. But there certainly wasn't more than one of these catchphrases every minute of the speech.

I am now resigned to the fact that the SOU address has become nothing more than an hour long session like unto the exchanges I had as a child in Sunday School. Regardless of what the question was the Sunday School teacher asked, we knew that if we answered "Jesus" we'd be applauded. This kind of crap is just as insidious at the political level, and often the answers to America's questions are just a uniformly formatted, regardless of the correct answer.

The formatting of the SOU was a political can't lose scenario for Bush. All you have to say is one occasionally controversial thing padded with many other things with which everyone agrees. It's pretty easy to believe that if you're getting only 1 thing out of 10 you disagree with that it's a good situation. Given the 62 interruptions that indicates a lot of kowtowing to popular opinion in order to garner support for a few highly contentious issues. I hate the fact that our political system wastes time with this type of maneuvering, and even more that the Democrats have allowed it to happen without an appropriate strong response.

If it (a congress with a Democratic Majority) looks like a Republican, talks like a Republican, takes bribes and suffers from corruption like a Republican, and applauds 62 time in a speech given by a Republican can it really be anything but a Republican? The Democrats were elected in response to a call for something DIFFERENT. Unless they're willing to exhibit that difference their time in Congress is limited.

Calling a Spade a spade.

2007-01-13T22:49:00.000-05:00

Former President Carter is coming under fire for his recently published book. You can read about the controversy here

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I'm a fervent supporter of Israel, and would almost go so far as to recognize their status as the Chosen People. And they've been through a hell of a lot over that last few centuries at the hands of Christians and Muslims (read: mainly Christians). They've a rather a lot to be cranky about.

However I think that Jimmy is right when he calls Israel's approach to the Palestinian situation apartheid. Sometimes saying something, although perhaps brutally insensitive but true, is the right thing.

Everyone, including the righteous (perhaps especially the righteous), is going to screw up sometimes and do horrible crappy things to other people. However I think that when a figure arises from the chaos and says "This is a horribly shitty thing you're doing; Shame on you for knowing better and not doing better!" I think that they should be respected.

Again, I really like Israel. AND I understand their baggage that's led them to this decision. However that doesn't make it any less wrong. I congratulate and thank Carter for his candor, and willingness to say something on the issue.

As is typical there's a gut level "Not me. How dare you" reaction to this.

Christmas blues...

2006-12-20T20:48:00.000-05:00

I'm such a syrupy sap.....I'm sitting here watching a PBS Christmas special and eagerly thinking about my family who we'll visit in a few days.

It's a little difficult though, I feel like there's another third of people who are family, who I'll not see this holiday. It's even more difficult to realize that things back home, Kansas City, have changed here and there and that it will not remain perfectly preserved like something in a hermetically sealed chamber. That makes me exceptionally sad, and it really hearkens back to that first year of college, when I came home from school and saw everyone in a whole new light.

People get older, sometimes very ungracefully. Buildings burn down, Clergy rotate around, someone else comes in to fill the slot you left empty behind you.

Maybe I'm just a narcissist, but I'm really missing KC tonight, and Liberty, and the Cathedral, and William Jewell, and my damn neighbors from last year who slept with the stereo on and the bass turned up too high. I like to think that they all miss us too.

Maybe it's just R. Fleming's voice that's put me in a bad mood....?

A Choral Singer's Guide to Keeping the Conductor in Line

2006-12-18T22:27:00.000-05:00

I just ran across this again....thought I'd preserve it for posterity.

(1-14 taken from an article by Philip Cave in "The Singer")

1. Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch pipe, insist on your preference for the piano - and vice versa.
2. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, the lack of space, or a draught. It is best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.
3. Bury your head in the music just before an important cue.
4. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favour.
5. Loudly clear your throat during pauses (tenors are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a good opportunity for blowing your nose.
6. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your low C was in tune. This is especially effective if didn't have a low C or were not singing at the time.
7. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know that you don't have any music.
8. At dramatic moments in the music (while the conductor is emoting wildly) be busy marking your music so that the climax will sound empty and disappointing.
9. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.
10. Whenever possible, sing your part either an octave above or below what is written. This is excellent ear training for the conductor. If he hears the pitch, deny it vehemently and claim that he must be hearing the harmonics.
11. Tell the conductor, "I'm not sure of the beat." Conductors are always sensitive about their "stick technique", so challenge it frequently.
12. If you are singing in a language with which the conductor is the least bit unfamiliar, ask him as many questions as possible about the meaning of individual words. Occasionally, say the word twice and ask his preference for pronunciation, making certain to say it exactly the same both times. If he remarks on their similarity, give a look of utter disdain and mutter under your breath about "subtleties of inflection".
13. Ask the conductor if he has listened to the Bernstein recording of the piece you are rehearsing. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?"

14. If your phrasing differs from that of others singing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.

15. Remember - softer means slower.

16. During a long and very meaningful rest, either hold the note before a second too long or come in one beat before the rest is over.

Cartier's Theory #325

2006-12-16T12:49:00.000-05:00

Now that the current academic term has come to a close I have an opportunity to again begin (split infinitive intended) codifying what I call Cartier's Axioms and Universal truths. Please note that these have yet to be clearly and decisively proven by the Scientific Method.

Battery life is inversely proportional to the usefulness of the item to which it provides power.
E.g. Alkaline batteries guaranteed to have an effective life of 6 months last a grand total of 3 days in a universal remote.

Battery life is directly proportional to the irritation factor (measured in the SI unit, rampages) present in the device to which it provides power. Even in cases of extremely low available voltage these devices can continue to funcition. Furthermore they function better during the hours of 12:00 AM to 5:30 AM
E.g. The irritating toy your in-laws purchased for your son 2 Christmases ago has an effective battery live of 10 years. Even in cases where the battery is previously dead, it can function in the absence of daylight.

These two theories also led to a further discovery this AM when attempting to make some lunch for the kiddos.

Smoke detector batteries only work properly when the presence of smoke is entirely benign. In fact, the presence of completely benign smoke (such as a piece of Macaroni on an electric burner) can actually resurrect a previously dead battery.

Lastly, another experiment led to a further codification of natural law.

Given, 2 blaring smoke alarms, 1 questioning 7 year old, 1 screaming 2 year old, and an incoming telephone call all male gendered homo sapiens will react by pushing said children into their room and closing the door, ignoring the phone call, and beating both smoke alarms with a broom handle until the sound subsides.

And to think that some people don't thing we descended from apes.....

BS Research

2006-12-12T16:02:00.000-05:00

I suppose that before long they'll also find a research study that indicates that Alcohol is also not effective at increasing one's sexual prowess or one's dancing ability.

Study: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are

Armor of God pj's

2006-11-23T12:36:00.000-05:00

Apparently there's a return of "The Church Militant" attitude amongst US Christians.....Couple that with the 2nd Amendment and we can just change our name to "Land of Armed Christians" rather than "United States of America"

Visit http://www.armorofgodpjs.com/ for the inspirational story behind these pjs....

Spock's funky crib....

2006-11-16T08:37:00.000-05:00

This gives away my closet trekkie....I'm not going to be going to any conventions, but this IS terrific!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBXal1GAA4A

Sound the Trumpet....or is that mount the strumpet?

2006-11-13T22:29:00.000-05:00

Ok....I'm putting my thoughts into print. I have found this first semester at Yale to be a bit of a disappointment, especially in these last few weeks. There's a lot of emotional baggage here, but with the exception of Schola and my Voxtet cohorts I've been in pretty foul spirits.

However I heard a few rumors today that made me feel like academic life might be worth living after all.

Supposedly one group is doing Handel's Saul next semester.....perhaps my favorite Handel Oratorio of ALL FRIGGIN TIME. A quick look through this blogs archive will find a few references to this.....

Furthermore, another group is supposedly doing Monteverdi Vespers next year..........

I think it's probably worth sticking out a bit longer....

What a week...

2006-11-10T08:27:00.000-05:00

A few random thoughts:

1. French Baroque music can only be done in funky tunings and at a creepy low pitch. I have consequently resigned all need to be a purist about it. Truth be told I like Charpentier because it seems a lot like Purcell.

Although I'm pretentious by nature (pronounced pre-TEN-si-us), I haven't the time to keep up with the latest fashion in Paris regarding Baroque Performance practice and Gallic Latin pronunciation from 1698. That's more like accounting than music making.

2. Democrats have won the approval of the American people. They have an immense opportunity to make some positive changes to things. However, I expect that they will squander this opportunity leading to a Republican majority in the next election.

I'm really only saying this because I have this precept that if I say something outloud or in print, it will undoubtedly be proven incorrect. I'm bucking for this!

3. A friend and his congregation recent got ejected from the increasingly totalitarian Missouri Baptist Convention. You can read more about the situation here. I'm amazed at the desire of the SBC and specifically the Missouri Baptist to purge itself of all dissenting voices.

There was a time, not that long ago when Baptist politics acknoledged the regulatory role of having dissenting voices. Sometimes these voices are the only ones that keep a regime from becoming fascist and obtaining too much power.

I have not doubt that Southern Baptist politics will eventually change for the better, just as de-Stalinization eventually occurred.

Communal and totalistic in their organisation (no room for dissent)
Aggressive in proselytizing (we've certainly seen the effects of this)
Systematic program of indoctrination (Sunday School, Promise Keepers, and Christian Radio come to mind)
New membership of cults by middle class (The SBC has continued to garner membership from mainstream society, this is what really scares me)

Perhaps Ted Haggard might find work in the SBC??

Caveat

2006-10-30T22:49:00.000-05:00

FIRST, read the very succinct article below....a few observations follow.

LIBERTY, Mo. - A man was lucky to be alive Monday morning after his truck took an unexpected detour and crashed into the side of a building.

He was loading his pickup at the Skyline Apartments when the truck slipped out of gear, jumped a curb and flipped backwards into an apartment building.

The man tried to stop the truck, but he ended up falling beneath it, police told KCTV5 News.

He broke his leg but was expected to be okay.

No one was inside the apartment that the truck damaged as the time of the crash.

One neighbor did hear the crash.

"I was sitting in my bedroom, and all of a sudden, I hear metal and glass crunching. I've been worried about something like this happening, so I kind of knew what it was," said Ryan Glunt. "I looked out my window, (and) saw the truck and the guy laying there. I came outside and told someone to call an ambulance."

1. Hammer and I used to live in this complex.

2. This is the second place, formerly rented by us, to be the location of a freakish set of circumstances (e.g. our former apartment while at WJC was destroyed by a tornado after we moved out)

3. Frau Vogler and Herr Vogler currently reside in the duplex vacated by us 6/06. I hope they've paid up their renter's insurance premiums.

4. My spouse and I have tremendous unrealized supernatural powers that are only hampered by our occupation or ownership.

5. We promise to utilize our powers for good, and not for evil. But don't piss us off.....we won't hesitate to do what we deem necessary.

My own blather notwithstanding!

2006-10-22T20:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, I feel like I'm jumping off the high dive on this one....

I like to talk informally as much as anyone, but there are a few things that chatty banter will ruin every time. I mean it really screws up the flow and effect of some moments.

1. Sex. There, I said it. There's nothing wrong with sweet nothings whispered in your love's ear, but coitus isn't the time to talk about the changing foliage, changing your Primary Care Physician, or North Korea's attitude toward nuclear proliferation.

2. During a concert. I used to sing with a professional ensemble that was incredibly good. They were really only limited by the inability of the conductor to find new repertoire, beat a steady pattern , or interact with human beings. In spite of all his shortcomings, the choir was damn fine. However nearly every musical selection was prefaced with his innane ramblings between pieces. So my advice to conductors, keep the chatter to a minimum unless you're an educationally based ensemble. If it must be said it had better be damned witty or exceptionally pertinent to the moment.

I did sing for many years under the esteemed baton of an incredibly gifted conductor that could actually pull the podium talk off, but it was always in an educational venue. He could do it, but he was absolutely the exception, not the rule!

3. During a dignified liturgical service. Now this is the catalyst for this entire rant. I really enjoy singing with a choir at a local parish on Sunday night. The other musicians are very fine, and the conductor does a terrific job. However the clergy engages in persistent unnecessary chatter which interrupts the flow of the service much the way this blather mucks up items 1 and 2. In spite of the fact that this congregation is probably more educated than the average Episcopal congregation (very smart indeed!) and all capable of reading the detailed service leaflet, the ministers feel the need to let us know that "Our processional hymn, #454, can be found in the music section of the service leaflet on page 12".

Please realize that this is only a single excerpt from the weekly liturgy, and an abridged one at that. Only a few weeks ago we wasted 30 seconds in the service waiting for the minister to find his service leaflet to tell us that the offertory hymn was #345, and that we would be singing all the verses. I would have much prefered to have that half minute shaved off the end of the service.

There's certainly nothing wrong with a moment or two of reflection, or informality. But c'mon! If you're going to have this wildly detailed service leaflet then let it speak for itself or be done with the damn thing.

Ok....rant ended.....I feel better.

Measuring Penis Envy in Kilotons

2006-10-11T13:19:00.000-04:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6040494.stm is an article exploring the debate over whether NK detonated a real nuclear weapon. Doesn't it seem like we're just bating them to detonate another one? Unzip your pants and let us see how big it is!

Seems pretty damn foolish to me, and seems to downplay a very serious situation....

BOOM!

2006-10-09T23:12:00.000-04:00

So Kim-Jong Il has the bomb....so what now?

I hate to engage in a battle of "I told you so..." but here goes.

I've been reading former president Carter's text Our Endangered Values, and I've enjoyed it a lot. So Sunday morning in the tub I'm reading a chapter on how we (that is the Bush administration) has engaged in a series of political actions that have undone the good work done on behalf of peace on the Korean Penninsula. This culminated in 2000 with the announcement of a formal cessation of hostilities by both the North and South Koreans. In fact Kim Dae Jung won the Nobel prize in 2000 as a result of this. Talk about prophetic, and for me to read this only hours before Kim pushed the rosy red button.

As our part of the deal with North Korea, we pledged to provide aid as well as technology to build CIVILIAN nuclear plants in order to help provide power for the striken nation. However the Bush administration almost immediately began dismantling the agreement and alienating the already paranoid nation of North Korea.

In Carter's conclusion to this chapter he states that he expects for North Korea to continue pursuit of nuclear technology motivated by fear, paranoia, and a sense of threatened sovreignty from the USA. Carter's book was written and published 18 months ago, and has accurately predicted the assembly and testing of a nuke by the North.

Lot's of people bitch about what a lousy president Carter was. I think it's time that we exonerate that administration and recognize that Carter was fighting an no-win scenario, and actually did a damn fine job. Furthermore, I think that cousin Jimmy would make a fine addition to the '08 ticket. Hell, he's a better predictor than both the Horoscopes and Nostrodamus.

Anyhoo, I just felt compelled to say this outloud.

I hate the fact that Korea has a nuke, and I think that it's primarily our fault. If one looks at US involvement following any major conflict, it seems that we do OK for a while and then screw it up in the end. WWII wouldn't have happened had we (and Europe) felt the need to isolate Germany and rub their noses in the mess that they made. One could use the previous sentence as a rubric and insert the nations of Panama, Grenada, Yugoslavia, Nicaragua, Iran, Iraq as well as a host of others and come out with a pretty accurate model.

So in closing,

1. Nukes suck.
2. Carter doesn't suck
3. The current US foreign policy sucks
4. North Korea sucks, but mainly because we suck (and have for the past 50 years!)
5. Scarlatti sucks (see posting from last week)
6. An axis is "...the center around which something rotates" All this talk of Axes of evil, and the only common center seems to be the US. That sucks.

There we go, I feel better now.

Worth getting out of bed for!

2006-10-08T22:26:00.000-04:00

So it was a complete surprise to me when this evening's service began at ECY (episcopal church at yale) when our clergy processed and a distinguished looking gent in Anglican Dress processed with our clergy. I wondered who he could possibly be.

During the Gloria I thought, Holy Sh*t, that's Peter Gomes. I wonder if he's going to give the sermon.

Sure enough, Peter Gomes was indeed the speaker this evening. It wasn't planned but it worked out!

Just in case you need a refresher, Peter Gomes is the current chaplain at Harvard who wrote a text a few years back entitled "The Good Book". It was for me, a work that allowed me to renounce the bibliolatry of my upbringing and appreciate scripture for the first time.

So it's time to go to the bookstore and buy a copy if you've not already. As for me, I'm going to be rereading it this evening!

Jaques' theorem of pungescence

2006-10-06T21:31:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a book from the Lady Shepherdess' book here by making up new words in the style of e.e. cummings. Following through with that spirit, I shall continue this posting without additional capitolization or punctuation

the theory states that given a particular bathroom fragrance (be it citrus/baby powder/spring freshness/crisp cotton or other flowery scent) said fragrance will by default become associated with the smell of faex (plural: faeces- english spelling) consequently said fragrance will cause the beholder to smell fex (plural: feces - north american spelling) even when shit (plural: shit - colloquial north american spelling) is not present in the atmosphere a further result is that anytime the beholder smells said fragrance though it be many weeks months years down the road the olfactory experience will be haunted by the smell of poo poo (plural: poo-poos New Haven toddler dialect spelling)

im currently exploring the options to obtain a government grant to allow me to further study this theory although the author believes that in time this will be proven as a law of nature rather than a speculative postulate rendering such research unnecessary.

Absinthe may cause short-term memory loss...

2006-10-06T21:03:00.000-04:00

So I walk into the kitchen this evening and there's a bottle of Absinthe on the fridge.

Then I realize that I've forgotten why I'm in the kitchen.

That and the fact that I made two consecutive postings about it lead me to believe that I need to seek treatment for absinthism ( this is actually a real term....per Wikipedia)

Why does Scarlatti suck so bad?

2006-10-03T21:03:00.000-04:00

Ok, to clarify, Alessandro Scarlatti.

1. He really liked opera. Not that opera is inherently evil, but it did eventually start to suck (thanks, in part, to Scarlatti and his innovations)

2. " His style was the culmination of the Baroque leading to the inevitable characteristics of Classicism"......to which I reply, so he's the sperm donor that allowed Haydn to come around. Blech! Couldn't we have stayed in the Baroque a little longer had it not been for Scarlatti?

3. He's not Purcell

4. He's not Handel

5. He's not Bach

6. He's not Monteverdi

Ok, I feel as thought I've been enough of an asshole today

2006-09-22T16:40:00.000-04:00

Guess who bought a bottle of Absinthe while in Holland!!

2006-09-18T21:10:00.000-04:00

I just got back from the Netherlands. Although a wide variety of unusual buys are available to the discerning consumer I've become particularly entralled with the availability of Marijuana and Absinthe in the Netherlands.

And people say I hate "new" music....

2006-09-12T21:25:00.000-04:00

It doesn't get more new that this piece!!

Personally, if the entire Mozart anniversary year had featured more 'rewrites' like this one, I'd have enjoyed it much, MUCH more!!

http://www.fazed.org/video/?id=429

Doubtless, this is the instrumentation that Mozart would have used had he lived just a teensy bit longer......

A retrospective on my former job....

2006-09-10T20:29:00.000-04:00

Now that I've been removed from my time at American Music Company, Inc. for a while, I'd like to point out some of my favorite customers over the years. I expect this to be a multiple-post series.

Please see the pic above. This woman is one serious voice teacher, and look out!!! She's got a microphone and knows how to use it.

I have no problem with the occasional pernikity comment, but some folks (i.e. the mugshot above) overtake the boundaries of occasional nastiness in less time than it takes me to type an email message. Miss Mary wasn't afraid to demand excellent service, even when her expectations were unreasonable or not in her best interest.

My favorite recollection of Miss Mary is the time she sent students into the store armed with only the basest information.

Student of Miss Mary: "I'm here to buy the Broadway Book"

Helpful Employee: "Which Broadway Book?"

SOMM: "The red one from Hal Leonard"

HE: "That's going to be difficult as Hal Leonard publishes several Broadway Collections, and I know of at least 3 of them that are red. Is there a particular title that you're looking for in that collection?"

SOMM: "Some piece by Rogers and Hammerstein"

As you can tell, Miss Mary is a fabulous teacher. She takes pride in instilling the specificity in her students that she demands from everyone else. Plus she looks damn fine with a microphone!

Entrance Exams, Part Deux!!

2006-09-09T10:19:00.000-04:00

So I got the results of my exams.......results as follows:

RE: Hearing: I've been place in level 2 (which is actually level 3 when you consider that it begins with MUS 499 Into to Hearing, then Hearing I (MUS501) and then my class Hearing II (MUS 503) . Of course all the wickedly smart organists made it into MUs 549 - Advanced Hearing.

I've met the Prof. and she seems to be an absolute genius, and a bit nutty to boot. That's my kind of combo! One of her former students maintains a quote log, which should give you a bit of insight into her way of doing things. I'ts just enough Epley-esque that I think I'm going to be very engaged.

"I'm into glue these days."

"In the B section, the brass is no longer rocking on."

"This is not a lukewarm, namby-pamby cadence."

"This is an *especially* dominant 7th chord."

"This dominant 4/2 chord has four measures of concentrated detergent power."

"With respect to harmony, measure 5 is pungent."

"My, what a unique last name! No identity theft for you!"

"Could the three musketeers in the front row calm down a little bit?"

"I sound like I should be locked up!"

[upon seeing the desk arrangement in Parker Hall] "I feel like I'm up here and you're all out there like a bunch of bankers!"

"It's not about what I want. Well yes it is."

RE: Music History Exam

I was actually able to test out of the Survey of Music History course, thereby allowing me to choose my Music History credit from a large pool of options. Not surprisingly I've opted for MUS 588 - "Masterpieces of Music before 1750" which will focus on a slew of composers including my perennial favorites....Purcell, Tallis, Monteverdi, those sexy Franco-Flemish dudes, as well as a good smattering of the Italian masters.

So, it's kudos to ME!

Music Library Orientation

2006-09-06T15:51:00.000-04:00

So here is the place where I'll be spending a LOT of time...... This is the Music Library!

Today began with a tour, which was cut short while we were in the stacks. Let me tell you about he stacks, Long 15 ft rows of metal shelves about 2 feet apart. Oh, it's dark! You have to push a little button and find your book or score before it automatically turns off.

So there we are, in the stacks when a light begins to flash and a very pleasant, slightly English voice says, "There is a reported fire emergency in the Library, please walk to the nearest exit and leave the building" Someone in our group said something about how nice that sort of fire alarm was, compared to the usual earsplitting shreik.......they had just gotten the sentence finished when the usual earsplitting shreik began.

So that's it for today....just a little, slightly funny anecdote!

Entrance Exams....

2006-09-05T22:15:00.000-04:00

...were today. 4.5 hours of absolute mind numbing musical regurgitation.

However there are a few touchstones of sanity...

* at one point during the Music History exam, a loud siren began on the same pitch as the final chord of one of the "Identify " pieces. I'm pretty certain that the piece in question was a Mozart Concerto for Horn and Ambulance.

* at one point during the Theory exam the phrase "Identify the following" was used immediately before a difficult to read diminished 7th chord. For those of you who never had a theory exam with S. Emig, this will make no sense.

* at one point during the Dictation exam the phrase "fuck" could be audibly heard from several people at the same time.

* The two idiot soprani (obviously from the opera program) routinely turned in their sheets with NOTHING written down on them. NOTHING! I mean there's something to be said for an occasional guess. I mean I'm a moron singer, and I'll probably get stuck in the remedial class with the ditzy soprani, but c'mon! I mean you could've at least hazarded a guess.

* at one point during the history exam I got to show off my knowledge of the dates of Thomas Tallis, Hector Berlioz, Henry Purcell, and Giacomo Meyerbeer. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person that got Tallis' dates.

All in all, a good long day. I'm going into these exams expecting NOTHING, and I expect I'll get from them what I put in!

A 'brigham brigade' of Mormons?

2006-09-03T23:16:00.000-04:00

Our new apartment is wonderful, and I'm particularly thrilled by the ethnic diversity of the place. I've met folks from Korea, Pakistan, Japan, China, Russia, Germany, and Nigeria. It's really cool. What's even cooler is the fact that Y*** University has made a commitment to diversity in ethnicity and religion. OR HAVE THEY.

My real complaint here is with the white folks, just like me. On the outside there would appear to be no problem with them, until I beging to connect the vacant look in their eyes and their apparent commitment to wildly wholesome activity. And then I see it, a BYU bumper sticker here, a Book of Mormon there, a pack of Mormons taking over my courtyard.......

Come to think of it, what's the term for a collection of Mormons? You know, like a gaggle of geese, or a murder of crows, or a herd of cattle.....

I hereby offer a damn fine cup of coffee to the person who comes up with the best term/descriptor for a pack of wildly indoctrinated cult members. And don't feel free to limit your replies to Mormons, I'd also consider good answers to find the collective term for a group of Southern Baptists, Old Money New Englanders (read: Yale Undergrads), and Organists.

There is some relief in the couple from Louisville we met last week. Normal folks, margarita drinking, tobacco (and other stuff) smoking, Kia driving folks just like me and Hammer.

Home Sweet Home!

2006-08-04T22:12:00.000-04:00

We've made it to CT!!!

After a few days of record heat, bonejarring diesel truck rides, and a month of staying with family, we made it!

Although we're still unpacking boxes (and will be from now until we move again) this place is beginning to feel like home.

Oh, and a word to the soon to be moving......HIRE A MOVING COMPANY!

Seperated at Birth III

2006-07-25T19:27:00.000-04:00

This one is a little more challenging.....

Can you tell the difference between fictional character Napoleon Dynamite and my sweet little baby......

Here's a hint, look for "Pedro"

Rowan Atkinson LIVE

2006-06-28T00:09:00.000-04:00

I've been searching for this for years........and now I've found it.

I adjure you to watch it in it's entirety....right now!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9162617835639477218&q=rowan+atkinson

The Musical Equivalent of Necrophillia

2006-06-08T11:23:00.000-04:00

I love bungled 'musicology' experiements by composer/arranger charlatans. These poor dead composers have no outlet other than to be passively violated by the staff arangers of the American publishing firms. (Lorenz, Alfred, Hal Leonard, etc. )

These often prove to be nothing more than a Frankenstein experiment. Someone takes a chorus or aria from a lesser known oratorio, cuts off the head (aka libretto) and attaches a new one (often pretty trite and benign and nowhere near the original libretto).

In most cases I can recognize the merit of 'rescuing' such a piece from relative obscurity by resurrecting it with a new text. I don't really like it but see it as a necessary evil (like political parties, abortion, seperation of church and state).

However....consider Linda S. (i'll protect her anonymity) and her recent bastardization of Handel's "Hail Judea Happy Land" from Judas Maccabaeus. She has written her own text:

"Sing for Joy! Sing out in Joyful Song, and praise forevermore. Joy! Joy! Sing!"

This text is by no means a marked improvement over the original. However Ms. S has given herself credit in the publication not for writing a new (albeit trite) text. Rather the note says, "The English text is not meant to be a literal translation"

Literal translation from what......ENGLISH??? Handel wrote JM in England, with a libretto by Reverend Thomas Morrell (an English priest). I know that we American's don't always speak the King's English, but that doesn't require a translation. Furthermore "Sing for Joy" is nothing like "Hail, Judea happy land".

You might try to chalk this up to a printing error or miscommunication, but I think not. Consider Douglas W. 's "arrangement" of "Sing Joyfully" from Handel's Saul. If you open a vocal score and look for the title "Sing Joyfully" you'll come up empty handed. Why? Because someone has grafed their own trite text onto Handel's works.

I mean we all know Handel was kind of a bastard, but let's not blame him for this kind of crap.

Ok....Discuss!

Work Stuff

2006-05-24T19:50:00.000-04:00

So one of my jobs before I leave is to wade through all the New Issue from the major publishers for 2006 and select the best stuff for our annual reading sessions.

Look for a Top 10 list of this year's new choral selections in the near future, with MUSICAL EXAMPLES.

Suffice it to say that Good Text+Lousy Music = Musical Prostitution

One would think that given Kansas' propensity to outlaw all things immoral that they'd ban all choral music arranged or composed by Spevacek, Kirby Shaw, Greg Gilpin, and the Albrecht/Althouse duo at the state line.

Scary!

2006-05-08T22:08:00.000-04:00

Sometimes my fascinations meet up. In this case early music and medical marvels. This is perhaps the most tragic and touching thing I've ever seen.

Clive Wearing was an early music expert living and working in London in the mid-eightys. A freakish virus attacked his brain and left him with only a seven-second memory, but a strong recollection of the things he loves/loved. Music and his wife.....

Give this a look.....you'll not forget it anytime soon.

http://obscuredtv.com/7seconds.php

Return of the Temporary Restraining Order

2006-05-03T12:27:00.000-04:00

First,

If you've missed this post in the archive, scroll down to "Temporary Restraining Order" and give it a read.

After an hiatus lasting most of the current academic year, she's back.

I wonder if she still works at the Zoo?

My life (starting 8/06)

2006-04-17T22:11:00.000-04:00

While in NYC I went to go see the Yale Schola. Tucked neatly inside the back cover was a schedule for next year. I've put it below (with commentary) for your enlightnment.

-------------------------------------------------
Chiarosucro III: Contrast of Light and Shade
Saturday October 21,Sprague Memorial Hall (New Haven)
I don't know what this is! But it sounds interesting. Perhaps next year we'll do "Beneath the Planet of Chiaroscuro: Chiaroscuro IV: or Chiaroscuro: Revenge and Fury. Certainly someone will suggest alternate sequel titles!

National Collegiate Choral Organization; First National Convention
Thursday November 2
Scottish Rite Temple (San Antonio, Tx)

Ensemble Europeen William Byrd, Paris - Graham O'Reilly, Director
Residency with the Yale Schola Cantorum and Graduate Voice Soloists
Music of Henry Du Mont and of the French Baroque
Saturday November 11 - St. Mary's Church (New Haven)

I suspect that the DuMont will be like unto the Charpentier I did with them a few years ago....Lots of chesty haute-contre singing, and a metric sh%tpile of 'gear shifting'

New Music New Haven
Three New Motets - Stucky
November 16, Sprague Memorial Hall (New Haven)
I think that the Chorale Premiered these in the fall?

HELMUTH RILLING CONDUCTS BACH CANTATASwith Yale Schola Cantorum, soloists and Yale Collegium.Saturday January 20th, Sprague Memorial Hall (New Haven)
I am literally crapping my pants on this one! As an intersting aside (as though the "pants-crapping" wasn't enough) is that Mr. Taylor actually has a Helmuth Rilling bobble head in his office.

Yale Center for British Art: Art and Music in Britain
Music by TIPPET and BRITTEN
Thursday, February 15, Yale Center for British Art
I can guess the rep for the Britten, but have no idea on the Tippett. There better be the Spriritual from a Child of Our Time, or I'm going to feel cheated! Furthermore, everything else Tippet wrote for choir are Ridikullus hard! Of course this being contemporary music will redeem the entire experience in the opinion of Herr Voegler!

Newly Commisioned Work by Tarik O Reagan
Sunday March 4, Woolsey Hall

Dietrich Buxtehude's Membra Jesu Nostri with Yale Collegium
Saturday March 31, Grace Epsicopal (Hartford)
Sunday April 1, Christ Church (New Haven)
Monday April 2, St Michael's Church (New York City)
I did this with a group last year and fell in love with the work so I'm pumped to do it again!

Guest Appearance with the Yale Collegium Musicum
Thursday April 19, Beinicke Rare Book and Manuscript Library (New Haven)
Wonder what we'll do! Knowing Simon something wonderfully early and unknown. Perhaps it's the chance to bring lesser known music to light that make this type of thing so exciting.

May 29 - June 8 TOUR OF SW FRANCE!!!!!
Concerts in Touloouse, Bordeaux, and Rocamadour
HOLY !
My understanding is that this is a part of my duties, funding generously underwritten by NOT ME! My suspcicion is that if Mel gets hired by the ISM that she'll get to go for free as well! Of course, she has to apply for the jobs first. Apparently it'll be posted in another month or so.

Livin' in the City

2006-04-05T11:11:00.000-04:00

So I've been in NYC for a few days now and am really starting to find my way around....

Hammer keeps harping at me about going to do something fun (Personally I found singing at Trinity Church Wall St. pretty damn fun, as was my race to St. John the Unfinished for noontime eucharist)

So it's survey time.......what should I do while here???? I've got the free time!

Anglican Quality Control Procedures!

2006-03-28T23:17:00.000-05:00

For those of you that aren't familiar with this site, I commend it to you enthusiastically! It's not JUST Episcopal/Anglican related.

As a matter of fact my parish was "Mystery Worshipped" on Ash Wednesday.
http://www.ship-of-fools.com/Mystery/2006/1194.html

Although I don't agree with everything here, I think it's safe to say that the White Tennis Shod Acolyte could very well be considered as a stunt double for Jesus should Mel Gibson decide to make a gorier version of his "Passion"

Can't believe that they gave the Dean such a low sermon ranking. He's always at least an 11 or 12 on a scale of 1-10. He's always got the right mixture of folksy story telling (and humour) and thoughful suggestion. See here: http://www.ghtc-kc.org/sermons/2006/lent4.shtml

Oh, and kudos to the Canon Musician for his exquisite organ playing!

I keep expecting this to show up in my mailbox...

2006-03-28T22:52:00.000-05:00

...but instead I actually received my official invite, matriculation form, and award letter from Yale. Until this point I've been expecting to get a note that says, "I'm sorry, we made a mistake and need to give your slot to someone else."

Doesn't look like it's going to though! I'm wildly amazed.

So even though my departure from KC is a ways off I've got a list of my top 10 things I'll miss (soon to be 11, then 12, then 13, etc. )

10. My Job. Yeah, I bitch about it a lot, but there is something kind of vouyeristic about what I do and its really nice to be in on what eveyone else is doing.

9. My town. Liberty is changing. I don't know if it's for the better or the worse, but it is changing. Suffice it to say that is will very quickly not be the place I've known and loved for so long.

8. The Flea Market. Had their burgers? They're the best! And the Beer is cheap and good!

7. Gary Lezak. Although it's already been the subject of a prior posting, I really will miss that irritating techno theme when they get ready to do the forecast.

6. Religious Nuts. What the midwest lacks in development it makes up in religious fruitcakes. From the 'fag-hating' baptists in Topeka to the megachurch that has a narthex that looks like an airport terminal and a Christmas pageant featuring Jesus with a flaming sword (Tribulation Christmas) I've come to know the local religious loonies pretty well. I'm worried that being away from these modern day Pharisees will cause my appreciation for, and devotion to Liberal Christianity a little less zealous than it is now.

5. Lidia's. Although there are a lot of Bastianich restaurants in NYC (an hour or so from New Haven by train), I'll miss this one a lot and the great times Hammer and I have had there.

4. Franklin Elementary (and LPS). My child has received so much careful attention and care while there. I'm so thrilled that she's had such a good grounding in fundamental skills.

3. KC musicians. Midwesterners make for awesome musicians. Well trained, hard working, sincere people. Although the occasional backstabber is out there, as a general rule we've got the corner on the market.

2. My religious home. I've basically found who I am there. Thank God for those hellbound Episcopals, their wine-tastings, and their Choir Rehearsals (followed by cocktails, of course)

1. My mentor. This is obviously too profound to talk about here. Look for a posting of memorable "Epley-isms" to come in the future.

There we go......look for the other TOP 10 down the road.

Can you guess the logo?

2006-03-22T23:11:00.000-05:00

OH MY GOD! I got the un-official official word a day or so ago. I have been invited to take a slot at one of the nation's prestigious institutions as a graduate student. All expenses paid, etc.

Of course now we have to sort out how to move to New England, etc.

Anyhoo, I'm wildly thrilled and it's just beginning to set in.

So, guess the logo and you'll be entered in a drawing to see to win an all expense paid trip to the Carter apartment. You'll get to sleep on our luxurious floor in our 1000.00 per month tiny apartment.

Nome de plume

2006-03-06T23:05:00.000-05:00

Sooo.

I recently appeared on the inagural concert of a church's fine arts series. It is a wonderful place devoted to great music, traditional worship, and the arts.

For this concert they had spared no expense, culminating in a series of large posters. Really REALLY NICE posters.

However they inadvertently gave me a different name "Jay Smith" which I'm considering using or modifying into a permanent alter ego.

Jameson Smith (the Irish Whiskey version)

Jay Smithson (a slightly more pretentious version)

Jameson Cartersmith ( I don't know what a Cartersmith smithies, but I suspect that its pretty darn cool)

Gene Simmons Cartersmith (the slightly edgy version where I wear lots of black and white makeup)

Ok.....any other suggestions?

A Warm and Fuzzy Christmas Wish...

2005-12-17T22:09:00.000-05:00

Sometimes something happens that reminds you of people in your past. Yesterday at the Company's annual Christmas Caroling another co-worker and I realized that we've both interacted with the same despicable person over the last few hears.

I'm thinking of a lady that used to work at my undergraduate institution that made life hard for everyone. She used to be the head of the Business Office, and took great pride in frustrating students to the point of transfer or drop-out. Rare is the individual who is equally hated by students, co-workers, and administration.

So I think I'm going to send this old hag a Christmas Card this year, text as follows.

Dear H.,

Merry Christmas to everyone in your household, except you. I despise you.

Yours,

Jesus Christ

P.S. If I see you in a crosswalk, look out!

I dare say that the Christmas Card is an under-utilized form of hate mail. Perhaps its time I did something about that!

Call the evangelical news media...The Beast is among us!

2005-12-12T22:31:00.000-05:00

I always knew that the devil played the organ!

I think that the pipes in the background represent flames.

Widsom from the Pulpit

2005-12-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

Thus saith the Lord, "Be careful where you pitch your tents......"

Click the pic above to hear the entire bit!

2005-12-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

This is my aunt....and my little Ian.

My Aunt lives and works on her own small farm in Southern Illinois, the family Homestead, and lives in the house where my she, my other great aunts and uncles grew up. The house has been in the family since before the 1900's.

I love that my kids, who will probably be raised in the 'city', will always have a place to experience what farm life was like a half century ago. There have been few technological improvements at the farm since my dad was a kid.

It just makes me a little warm and fuzzy!

JC

Seperated at Birth, Part II

2005-11-30T23:31:00.000-05:00

Countertenor or The Mouth of Sauron?

Can you tell the difference?

Wrath of God visits Contemporary Church

2005-10-31T21:46:00.000-05:00

Multimedia and Baptism via immersion just don't mix.

WACO, Texas (BP)--Kyle Lake, pastor of the University Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, and a leader in the “emerging church” movement, was electrocuted as he stepped into baptismal waters and reached out to adjust a microphone during the Sunday morning service Oct. 30. He was 33. MORE

I know that it may seem that I'm having a go at the Baptists a little too much lately, but this was just over the top. But in the interest of ecumicism I'll try to make this educational....so what can we learn from this.

The rant that follows is semi-serious. I feel very sorry for those affected by this tragedy (the man's wife and children for one), but there's nothing I can do to change it, so I'd might as well try to get some humor out of it and maybe even make a point.

1. God is pissed at the Baptists. I'm not really sure what they did to excite the Lord's anger, although I think I may know. Especially if she* (GOD) is a large, black, lesbian who lives in a shack with no power somewhere in Montana. Kind of like a minority version of Ted Kaczynski. Something tells me that she's not fan of contemporary "Praise and Worship"

2. Water and Electricity don't play well together. Kind of like Vinegar and Baking Soda; The English and the French; Myself and the TV show Felicity.

3. Given the fact that the Electrocution took place at a Baptist church, I'd think that someone might say, "Jeez, why don't we try a Catholic hospital instead...just in case" However, the vicitm was rushed to Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center. I'm not saying that this made things any worse, but I think I would've at least broached the subject.

4. “At first, there was definitely confusion just because everyone was trying to figure out what was going on,” Ben Dudley, community pastor at University Baptist, told the Tribune-Herald. “Everyone just immediately started praying.”

Ok....I believe in prayer. I pray, in my own very quiet way, nearly every day. But no amount of prayer is going to shut off the light switch that's zapping Preacher man. Our God is patient. She'll (see * below!) give you a second to shut off the power, then you can pray.

5. "University Baptist Church, which is not affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention..."

This seems to me to be a point that the SBC- operated Baptist press wanted to stress. If recent events amongst the Southern Baptist Churches in the US indicate anything it is that there is only one thing which they hold in more disdain than liberal mainstream protestants, and that thing is groups of Southern Baptists who have said "Enough! You're crazy" and have decided to not be affiliated with the SBC**.

*I don't necessarily believe that 'the Deity' is a male or female, but female just seemed to be the right card to play in this context.

** Remember, I chose to leave the Baptist church for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was their obliteration of all meaningful liturgy. Every congregation has a liturgy, it's really just an issue of if its something intentionally meaningful. Think I'm wrong? I dare you to go to a non-liturgical church and try to take up the offering at the wrong time.

Ain't hypocrisy grand?

2005-10-21T22:44:00.000-04:00

Missouri Baptists' executive director is having a go at halloween. Read it HERE

I'm particularly fond of his mention about how evil it is to use fear to control the will of other people. Have a listen to any of the editor's radio commentaries or read a few editorials.

Can you really imagine Jesus of Nazareth hanging out with these guys??

MY WIFE...

2005-10-20T23:03:00.000-04:00

...Is and utter genius.

Go to her blog hammertimemc.blogspot.com and check out the big ad!

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

2005-09-26T21:45:00.000-04:00

Soo...was reading Fr. Ben's blog and found out that the Romans are going to basically re-institute the Inquisition, only this time they're looking for those pesky homosexuals.

C'mon folks, didn't we learn the first time around that this doesn't quite work out the way we hoped it would?

According to the articles these "investigators" will be looking specifically at those priests who exhibit "effeminate behavior" I'd be very interested to see the official procedural manual, in canonical legalese. Their plan is to cull all such suspects while still in seminary.

C'mon, if there were really that many gay priests don't you think that the liturgy and music of the RC church would be significantly more tasteful? I daresay that we'd have either Tallis or Andrew Lloyd Webber at every service. And the inscence would smell much less like something you bought for 5.00 in a headshop at the corner of 77th and Troost.

I suppose that they will embrace the same forgiveness doctrine that they supposedly preach, unless the priest in question is of Jewish descent.

Kudos to the C of E for not killing or persecuting anyone, very much, this century!

Ok.....I guess it's Autumn

2005-09-26T21:39:00.000-04:00

There's a bit of a chill in the air tonight!

'bout time!

Herbert Howells and good Karma

2005-09-12T22:08:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's sermon at the Cathedral was, as always, quite wonderful. Before you go ANY further I'd encourage you to take a moment and read it HERE.

It is amazing but I still find myself seething with anger at the September 11 attackers, but also at the fact that our government did little to forego any such attack, even when there was sufficient evidence that something was in the works. Hurricane Katrina and our goverment's utter lack of a response in the first days have only led me to be even more jaded about the purpose and motives of our government.

But I suppose that if Howells could overcome this enormous struggle and come to set the text below, perhaps there's hope for all of us feeling disenfranchised by our leaders in both parties.

God’s great goodness aye endureth,

Deep His wisdom, passing thought.

Splendor, light and life attend him,

Beauty springeth out of naught.

Evermore from His store

Newborn worlds rise and adore.

My entire family was perfectly in my line of sight as we sang this hymn as our recessional yesterday. As I looked into the face of my little boy, I worked very hard to finish the hymn. Suffice it to say I just stood there and listened with glistening eyes and quivering lip as the sopranos sang the descant over the final verse. Some brief moments are a little bit too much of everything all at once.

Aftermath...

2005-09-06T22:46:00.000-04:00

You've seen the pictures. Everytime I see one I'm reminded of the exceptional destructive force that we unleashed 60 years ago on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The photographs are eerily similar and serve as a departure point for the thoughts that follow.

Perhaps the most painful thing for me to watch in the aftermath of such a destructive event is the extreme pain of the folks down south and my suspicion that we can certainly do better. This isn't intended to be an indictment against either political party. I feel that both are exceptionally negligent.

I'm also exceptionally struck by this fact, nearly all the faces we see on television are not those of white middle-class America. Like the Japanese faces in the aftermath of Hiroshima, these faces, so similar to ours yet different haunt my thoughts. It is my sincere hope that we, the priveledged/mostly white can help these folks to regain their footing and perhaps even leave them better off than before. I don't have much to offer, but I want to do what I can.

The Marshall Plan wasn't perfect but it certainly accomplished its goal of quickly rebuilding Japanese infrastructre and their economy. Katrina is much larger, but even more worth of our time. Last time I checked we weren't at war with those folks in NOLA and Biloxi clutching to every possesion as though it were all they had.

Another thing that I'm also struck by is the apparent lack of understanding of what is help and what is a waste of resources. Case in point: One large KC congregation was featured on the news yesterday. This congregation sought out a pastor of a large, white, suburban NOLA parish and purchased him a new KJV Bible, a palm pilot (to allow him to download his stored contact information for a variety of other fundamentalist leaders in the US), and a new wardrobe of suits. They spent nearly 10 thousand dollars.

I can't help but that Christ would've accepted the gift or asked for a shove, a pair of hip waders, and a ride to downtown NOLA. I certainly think that this would fall under the list of "my father's business." Undoubtedly, this money could have housed many of the true unfortunates made homeless by the storm. It could have provided housing, vocational skills, and clothing for those who lost everything.

I must say that as an Episcopal, I'm very proud of my denomination's attempts to get aid where it is truly needed. One local parish I know of attempted to send vestments and communion silver to a parish in NOLA until they realized that plastic silverware, paper plates, and underpants would be a much more cherished gift. I daresay that although the NOLA parish won't likely be celebrating Eucharist just yet, that these gifts have become a representation of Christ to those who receive them along the same lines of the communion elements. I'm truly happy that they did so, and trust the decision that they made.

I'm not perfect. I will probably not have the time, energy, or $$$ to make any significant contribution to the recovery effort. But I DO feel as though we can do better in this country than sitting on our hands for a few days and providing the wealthy and affluent with the tools of their trade when those who had the most to lose sit homeless, ill, and penniless.

Fr. Ben had a wonderful posting on his blog talking about Mardi Gras and Lent (and their relationship to NOLA) I'd really encourage you to read it. It speaks volumes.

Today's warm fuzzy thought

2005-08-31T22:09:00.000-04:00

From time to time I run across things that allow me to be totally comitted to my liberalism. This bumper sticker was a bit of a catalyst for the rant that follows.

Ok.....this was obviously brought on by something.
I'm reminded of sections of the most recent Potter book (I am at least admitting my addiction, the first step toward recovery) as I watch the devastation in the Southeast US and the recent price gouging upon the remainder of the country. Chaos reigns supreme.

I'm afraid that years of negligence from our government (all of it quite conservative, even the so-called "liberals") has led to both problems. Although I can probably place as much blame on liberals as conservatives, I just can believe that America can be so obtuse. Although conservative logic/homespun wisdom might follow with the right answers, only the liberals seem to be concerned with asking the questions in the first place.

Q. Why shouldn't I be allowed to build my house here?

A. Well, the fact that this is marshland makes it more than a little unstable. Oh, and the fact that you want to drain this marshland for your ritzy coastal estate will inevitable cause flooding in inner city areas where folks won't have the resources to get out of town in the event of a "biblically sized" disaster. Build your estate and damn the consequences

Q. Why do you want to outlaw my Chevy Suburban?

A. Because you're a miserable selfish bastard, abusing our precious fuel reserves, driving up the price for the rest of us. Oh, and you drive like an asshole (this applies to Soccer Moms and folks over 50 as a general rule).

So I'm finding myself watching our president's remarks tonight. I have no doubt that Republicans and Democrats alike will bond together providing for the short term relief of these devestated areas of our country and our economy. But don't you think that perhaps its time that we actually bothered to head some of these problems off? Why can't we tell stupid people to built their house somewhere else? Why not require GM and FORD and CHRYSLER to immediately begin production of cars with reasonable fuel economy, and require these jerks in their fuel-hogging SUV's to pay a huge extra tax and require them to have a Commercial Drivers Liscence?

By the way, The petroleum industry reported record profits again this quarter. One report mentioned that Conoco was up 80% over last year. I'm seriously considering trying to get a group together to drive our cars to the local gas station, park them, and leave them there. 40 or 50 people could wreak havoc on an entire town. Isn't it time that the Petroleum Industry be treated to the same type of economic terrorism that they've been subjecting us to since the Carter era?

Hail to the Chief!

2005-08-27T23:57:00.000-04:00

Once is co-incidence....twice is creepy.

Earlier today Hammer and I were watching Weapon of Choice's video starring Christopher Walken. (If you haven't seen it, watch it here) In the process of looking at it I said, "Boy, that hotel they're in looks really familiar. Kind of like the Hotel I was in for ACDA." Sure enough a little research showed that this video was in fact filmed at the Mariott on Figueroa (Los Angeles) By itself this was strange!

So just a minute ago I'm looking at news articles online and I find this website. Not only can he dance, act, and sing.......but he's my pick for Prez next time round.

Osama sings Karaoke

2005-08-27T23:26:00.000-04:00

So Hammer and I are sitting around tonight, and I remember that one of my co-workers mentioned a Karaoke site on the internet. I'm NOT going to post any of our contributions (I do a mean Aaron Neaville and an even meaner Jingle Cat) but whilst looking for Tammy Wynette songs I found this.

I do believe that this is the "voice of terror" that our esteemed dictat....er....president keeps

Click here for the VOICE OF TERROR

P.S. Keep listening until the chorus, even if you're bored. It's WORTH it.

Random pretensiousness

2005-08-24T20:17:00.000-04:00

"Maestro" John Doe

At what point does someone feel that they should have the title 'maestro' applied to them?

Generally we only see this term used for proven, revered conductors who have spent years at the top of their game. Being dead certainly doesn't hurt either.

Imagine my shock when I was recently reading a copy of the Choral Journal only to see this label applied to a person who is under 40, and hasn't ever been the regular conductor of ANY ensemble other than a few things he did in grad school. This person (his anonymity preserved in the photo above) is a composer. Of course Bernstein wore both hats Conductor and Composer, and maestro might apply here.

I've wracked my brain trying to find any sort of precedent here.

Maestro Beethoven..........no
Maestro Mozart...............no
Maestro Bernstein.........perhaps
Maestro Kirby Shaw.......no ( I feel cheap and tawdry for even bringing this one up)

So I'm thinking that the only thing more pretensious that my post today, is this 'composer' who doesn't conduct being called "Maestro".

Oh.......remember I'm the guy who gets creeped out reaching inside a potato chip bag.

Gute Nacht, Frau Bluecher!

2005-08-20T23:24:00.000-04:00

I think that one of the best things about having kids is being able to share some movie, book, or joke that you've always found meaningful in some way.

So in the spirit of that, Emma (the 6 year old) and I watched an old favorite. Sure, there are plenty of jokes she didn't get, but it was all worth it when we made it to "Puttin' on the Ritz"

Just when I was beginning to worry about parenthood I've realized that I made my kid laugh, and taught here a handy German phrase or two.

I don't think that she's ready for Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail or her first episode of South Park, but we're making progress!

It's that special time of the year...

2005-08-17T19:47:00.000-04:00

...when everything is just insanely busy. Amid the chaos at work and the startup of various performing organizations, we've also send our 6 year old daughter and 8 month old to school today for the first day. Furthermore, Hammer is now back at the office as well.

we're sleepy....and looking for good drink recipies.

He Called the Sh*t POOP!

2005-08-11T23:31:00.000-04:00

Hypothetical story.

There's this person, let's call him Carl. Carl works as a finance manager for a fine arts organization in a city somewhere in the midwest. As a part of Carl's daily duties, he leaves work early to take donor checks and season ticket checks to the bank. By the way, Carl is a bit of a shithead.

Suppose one day Carl leaves with the deposit in hand but forgets to take the deposit to the bank. Furthermore imagine that Carl takes the bank bag into his house, sets it on the table, and forgets about it. Carl cooks supper, has a good drink, plays with his new energetic St. Bernard puppy and goes to bed.

A day or so later Carl is taking his dog for a walk and notices some sort of paper sticking out of the puppy's 'business'. Let's get really wild for a minute and imagine that the paper just happens to be checks from patrons and donors.

Can you imagine the letter of explanation that goes out to said donors?

Not that this would really ever happen, just a hypothetical situation. But if it were to happen, what do you think should happen to Carl?

Put your hands together...

2005-08-11T23:26:00.000-04:00

My friend Herr Vogler (Voegler if you're pernickity) has a blog that you ought to check out.......were I smart enough I'd have him in my links to other blogs list,but that has somehow strangely disappeared.

musicinventor.blogspot.com

And this isn't just because he's got the same Mozart 250th bug that I've got. You really need to check out some classics from the archive too....My favorite bits involve his daily exchanges with "patrons" of the arts

PS Anyone notice that this just happens to be Purcell's 31oth, or last year was Charpentier's 300th.....nope? May God have mercy on our commercialized/Americanized souls!

Static Guard

2005-08-04T22:43:00.000-04:00

So....we're cat-sitting for our friends and they have this de-clawed cat. She can claw away at our couch, carpet, stair, and bannister with no ill effects......ok almost no ill effects.....static electricity is such a bitch!

Soooo........can we static guard a cat? I mean I'm ok with the occasional buzz of electricity. But I remember Mark mentioning that when he was a child sightreading in his parent's children's choir at church that anytime he made a mistake they'd hook his balls up to a car battery....

They should've just gotten a cat.

2005-08-04T00:46:00.000-04:00

I can't wait to get a set of these for the kiddos......

Am I really a bastard?

2005-08-04T00:15:00.000-04:00

There are days I have such a great job......below is an excerpt from an email that a co-worker of mine received today

Dear A,

At the Friday reading session, Don introduced Jay as a "legitimate" countertenor. Is that in contrast to an "illegitimate" CT? Can one be a "legitimate" CT but still be a b*****d?

I'm confused about all these fancy music words! I'd communicate directly with Jay, but not being sure of his legit or illegit status, I'm not sure I want to go there.

I did enjoy his singing, however, whatever his origins.

Thanks for your help with music and this delicate matter.

Wanted!

2005-07-21T23:09:00.000-04:00

Be on the lookout for this guy on Comedy Central. He's an ex convict named Otis Lee Crenshaw who's fed up with Nashville not taking him seriously. Maybe you've already seen this, but if not be warned.

I submit the following lyrics from a representative piece "Bag Lady" which is a love song...

Take off your coat, take off your boot

Take off your wooly hat and your boiler suit

Take off your ripped seam stocking

And your one running shoe

Take off your wedding dress, your camouflage vestand your one ski glove

Bag lady, bag lady let's make love

I got half fried chicken, Tennants in a can

Every woman I ever loved I just drove around the bend

Cos' love'll make you crazy, let's avoid the middleman

I know it makes no sense, tonight my only wish

Is to spend the night with someonewho speaks total gibberish

So put your hand in mine beneath the moon and stars

Tomorrow you can go back to screamin' at cars

She gets on the bus, gets off the bus,

gets on the bus gets off the bus, gets on the bus, gets off the bus

gets on the bus then off the bus

Then she climbs atop the bus

And then she tries to drive the bus

It might be crazy, it might be strange, but she had me at the moment

She screamed "GOT SOME CHANGE??"

We both got one Big Issue, mine is just to kiss you

Beneath the stars above

So bag lady, let's make love

DON'T YOU DARE MISS THIS! http://www.comedycentral.com/comedians/browse/c/otis_lee_crenshaw.jhtml is a link to this song in a video format..

I've been very lax lately

2005-07-13T22:34:00.000-04:00

Ok....so I haven't posted in quite a while......I suppose I've just lost steam.

No rants....no raves..............I am a little concerned by the new allegations of prisoner abuse surfacing from Guantanamo Bay though.

Perhaps I should begin familiarizing myself with Canadian immigration law!

Countertenors and Texas All State

2005-06-20T23:39:00.000-04:00

Ok.....new controversy, and I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this.

TMEA has opted not to accept an audition from a young man, a countertenor, for the Texas All State Youth Choir. Their rationale is that they do not accept auditions from female tenors on the basis that it isn't healthy singing.

The text of one of the articles can be found at http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/news/local/states/texas/northeast/11919013.htm

You'll have to sign in
USERNAME: bogusname@yahoo.com
PASSWORD: bogusname1

Even more details can be found at www.acapellanews.com

Let the debate begin.........I'll post my thoughts after you've all had a chance to give it a read.....I just might surprise you with an unusual opinion!

My First NYC GIG!

2005-06-20T23:37:00.000-04:00

I just accepted my first gig in NYC today. I'll be singing in the chorus (and doing a small solo role) in the Brooklyn Academy of Music's production of Bach's St. Matthew Passion next spring.

Yeah! It's not huge exposure, but it pays well, and it's al least an in!

Jesus ®

2005-06-02T23:16:00.000-04:00

I was just having a conversation the other day with a friend at work. We've decided to trademark the following terms just for the fun of it. They are:

Jesus ®
Jesus of Nazareth ®
The Son of God ®
God®
Allah®
Jehovah®
Holy Ghost®

Any thoughts?

Seperated at Birth??? Installment 1

2005-06-01T18:56:00.000-04:00

Is it possible that Gene Simmons (Kiss Rocker) and James Bowman (English countertenor) are descended from the same parents?????

Messiah Festival Cancelled

2005-05-16T21:31:00.000-04:00

Ok........I'm terribly perturbed. Below is the email some of you have already seen.
What kind of a society do we live in when things like this get abandoned? Apparently the same society in which we go to war over faulty information and we refuse to take the necessary steps to provide for the welfare of our citizens and respect every human being. I'm nearly ready to say a collective F*CK YOU! to a pretty major portion of our society........

It is with heavy heart that I make this posting. More information about the festival can be viewed at www.cofchrist.org/messiah

Two years ago I was fortunate to encounter the Independence Messiah Festival as a guest soloist. This community endeavor brings in representatives of virtually every demographic. I quickly grew to care deeply for the choir, orchestra, and those donating so freely of their time and energies. However, it seems as though the exsistence of this Performance, now in its 89th year, has been dealt a death blow by the organization that formerly supported it.

This upcoming November's performance will be the choir's last.The leadership of Community of Christ, formerly RLDS, has made the tragic decision of ending this festival viewed by millions on PBS and heard by countless more on radio broadcasts across the globe. I am making this posting in the hopes that many of you will take a few moments to voice your concerns/objections/condolences.

Although I am certain that this was not an easy decision to make, I am thoroughly irritated that the Kansas City Community, the many others that travel from far away, and those having heard the choir in New York or by airwaves were not allowed to offer their assistance.You may express your thoughts about this tragic loss of an iconic performance of this wonderful work by writing/telephoning to

Stephen M. Veazy, e-mail sveazey@cofchrist.org, phone ext. 3021
Kenneth N. Robinson, e-mail krobinson@cofchrist.org, phone ext. 3005
Peter A. Judd, e-mail pjudd@cofchrist.org, phone ext. 3001

1001 W. Walnut St., Independence, MO 64050

You may alternatively make a posting here which I would be thrilled to then relay to the appropriate parties.

Viewer Mail

2005-05-10T23:06:00.000-04:00

Every now and then something funny happens that one just has to share.

Yesterday I ws going through the mail, and as usual a few letters are usually misdelivered to us.

So yesterday we received a single item of mail for "Gentle Gynecology"

This leads me to ask several questions..........

1. Is there such a thing as Gentle Gynecology? I've seen a speculum before, and I cringed

2. Why was the return name on the address David Johannsen? There was no female name on the return label. I love my wife, but I don't think I want my name, and only my name on a letter to her gyno

3. Am I really so burned out on my job that I have to seek out such things for entertainment?

4. Why the hell have I waited so long to make a blog posting?

Thoughts on JPII and religious tolerance

2005-04-06T17:28:00.000-04:00

The recent death of JPII has given me pause all week long. I recently read this comment on the life of the Pope on a Conservative Religious Website that I visit often, by Al Mohler president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

After chronicling many of JPII's good deeds Mohler closes with the following:

"Even so, we must also recognize that John Paul II also represented the most troubling aspects of Roman Catholicism. He defended and continued the theological directions set loose at the Second Vatican Council. Even as he consolidated authority in the Vatican and disciplined wayward priests and theologians, he never confronted the most pressing issues of evangelical concern." emphasis mine

The last time I checked the Baptists and Mohler included were obsessively concerned with doing things in a biblical fashion.

The last time I checked our Savior gave less than a fig for being biblical, or following the pre-existing set of rules. He seemed to be concerned with feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and caring for societies marginalized outcasts.

The last time I checked Pres. Mohler drove a very fancy car, lived in a very nice house, wore very nice suits, and was busy railing any bit of Liberalism in the church. He is concerned with feeding the hungry et all, assuming that said individuals are White, Male, Protestant Evangelical, Republican, and willing to sign a statement of belief (essentially a TULIP Calvinistic Creed).

Although I think that established religions generally miss the point, I suspect that JPII may be much closer to the right answer than any of the Evangelical Protestants might care to admit.

Said one icon of the 20th century, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ"

'Tis the Season

2005-04-03T23:49:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited. Today touched 80 degrees (as hot as it should ever get IMHO!) and they're calling for storms later this week.

Anyone from this area of the country is just beginning to consider (secretly in the back of their mind) moving somewhere safer like hurricane-ravaged Florida, quake-prone LA, or Tsunami-ridden Indonesia. My suggestion is to move to someplace near a volcano. Honestly, how often do you really hear about a volcano wreaking havoc ?

Of course my wife thinks this shit's terribly exciting too.

P.S. I've started watching the weather report again, Alice Cooper Soundtrack notwithstanding.

Draft of A Proposed Constitutional Amendment promoting Biblical Marriage

2005-04-01T17:20:00.000-05:00

As certain politicians work diligently to prevent marriage between two people of the same sex, others of us have been busy drafting a Constitutional Amendment codifying all marriages entirely on Biblical principles.

After all, God wouldn't want us to "pick and choose" which of the Scriptures we elevate to civil law and which we choose to ignore.

Marriage in the United States of America shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives.
(II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron > >11:21)

A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30, 2Cor 6:14)

Since marriage is for life, neither the US Constitution nor any state law shall permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9-12)

If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut > >25:5-10)

In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen 19:31-36)

I hope this helps to clarify the finer details of the Government's righteous struggle against the infidels and heathens among us.

The reason I'm an Episcopal

2005-03-25T23:50:00.000-05:00

It's not just the funny bishop hats!

Check out this blog, written by one of the priests at the Cathedral I sing at.

What a cool guy!

http://thinkbenzen.blogspot.com/

Weather, man!

2005-03-25T23:23:00.000-05:00

I've had the great misfortune the last 2 days to realize that one of the KC weather people(Gary Lezak, to be specific) has some really irritating theme music.

Picture Ozzy doing the theme song for your local weather guy, and you've got a pretty good picture of how it works.

I would post a link to a sound file but I'm afraid I haven't one........but let me script it this way

fade from commercial to graphic of nasty weather
insert 2 jarring Rock and Roll guitar chords (V-I progression)

Voiceover: And now its time for your KSHB weather report featuring Gary Lezak...

repeat jarring Rock and Roll chords

Enter Weatherman clad only in chaps, buttocks showing. Eye make-up courtesty of Alice Cooper, hair courtesy of Pink.

Lezak: We're anticipating a high pressure front to create a.....(continue with boring weather report)

It's now official, I can't watch the weather ever again.

Close Shave!

2005-03-24T00:23:00.000-05:00

Here we see a depiction of Saul(Bass) trying to kill David(moi)

I was fortunate enough to participate(as David) in a production of Handel's neglected oratorio Saul this prior weekend at the Univ of Illinoi (GO ILLINI!) with someone that all William Jewell students will affectionately recall as Chet.

What a cool piece of music! Consider the following lines..............

David(aria): "Impious wretch of race accursed, and of all that race the worst... ...Fall on him, smite him, let him die. On thy own head thy blood shall lie"

David(recit) : "His arm he raised, with rage grown stronger. By my guiltless head the javelin whizzing flew, and in the wall mocked once again his impotence of malice" (V-I)

David(aria): "Lest the daughters of the uncircumcised..."

David(aria): "And drank the blood of slaughtered foes... ...drew his sword in vain, it reek'd where'er he dealt his foes with entrails of the mighty slain"

The only thing better than violence is biblically sanctioned violence................the only thing better than biblically sanctioned violence is the chance to sing about biblically sanctioned violence. If only Quentin Tarantino had written Baroque oratorio instead of modern screenplay!

Anyhoo, the gig was a success, the other singers were amazing, the conductor was great, and the chance to sing the word uncircumcised in the context of an aria was quite profound!

PS. I've used far to many parenthesis in this post.....and elipsis to boot!

Why Opera at Ivy League Schools is a good thing....

2005-03-23T23:58:00.000-05:00

So.....some bad news from New Haven.

They've opted to hire a mezzo for the job, which I suspected might be the case all along. It would be really tough to sell 6 guys in an 8 person team. I got a note from the coordinator (SC) and he seemed very disappointed.

However, if their resident male alto decides to make a shift to the opera track, then there are 2 openings for alto, and I'm in like flynn. At the very least I've been pushed to re-apply the next year when they're actively looking for a ct!

So an open note to any male altos considering opera as a career.......

Dear IH,
You know, oratorio and early music really sucks. You should take on a
more exciting degree program. I think that opera is the way to go.

Yours Truly,
Jaques

I hate opera (except for Handellian stand-and-sing bits) but I may have found a redeeming attribute at last if my colleague changes tracks!